Thank you for being one of our most loyal readers. Please consider supporting community journalism by subscribing.
I am a politician. I care only about myself. I am a habitual liar with no morals, conscience or integrity.
When I decided I was going to run for elective office, it was because I had dreams of making change, helping people and living like God wanted me to. Unfortunately, I found that all the other politicians around me were only there because they understood the real world and how voters think.
Politicians comprehend how stupid voters are and know that you can lie to them 99% of the time. The Rocky Mount City Council members proved this in May.
The only thing that matters is about three months before Election Day, start showing the voters how you care about them, get a couple things done for them, shake hands, thank them, kiss babies, sell total BS, half-truths, thank God, thank them and thank America for sending you back to office.
I am a politician and enjoy not working full-time, the excellent benefits, the free drinks, the social status and being treated like I am someone special, because I have most of the answers, even though I am not qualified to be a specialist in anything other than lies, more lies and the ability not to laugh when I lie.
You stupid people are out of work, you are locked in your homes, your business is closed and you are unemployed. I am a politician and I’m still getting paid thanks to you. Yes, I have the good life as a “career politician” and keep screwing you again and again. Remember that politicians control your life and the last two months confirm this.
I look forward to your vote in November as I need my paycheck and benefits, plus I can go anywhere I want to on the pretense of working for you.
I love each of you!
— Your Politician
Editor’s Note: The writer is not an elected official and intended this letter as satire.